República’s “comic strip umbrella” foretells not so funny tale
Like most conservatives, we’ve had our fill with the one-sided news delivered by the daily newspaper we refer to — for obvious reasons — as The Periódico de la República de Arizona (Arizona Republic). But as much as we disdain the disseminator of leftist propaganda, we have to admit that it’s difficult to watch the demise of the newspaper that was thrown onto our driveway, in turn, by the four sons of the neighbors down the block when we were all kids.
That was back in the days before molesting route managers and fear of gang members engaging in drive-by initiations on dark winter mornings. It was a simpler time. We trusted the news, and, foolishly, even Walter Cronkite. Elections were trustworthy. Favorite Halloween treats were Mrs. Koury’s homemade popcorn balls and rich fudge brownies at the corner house where the “new” family moved in five years earlier. There was no reason to be concerned about razor blades in the fresh, autumn crop of delicious apples.
And the newspaper? It actually contained news, written with style, using high-quality syntax and lacking a homosexual and pro-illegal agenda. Oversized photos taking up half a page already filled with white space, and an ongoing series on “vanished” restaurants would have been unthinkable when real journalists tuned out hard news. Legislators were not derisively referred to as “kooks” by columnists. And along with twice a day mail delivery, we got two newspapers a day — the Arizona Republic in the morning and the Phoenix Gazette in the afternoon, so Dad would have the latest news as he awaited a good home-cooked dinner.
Those days are gone. The paperboys and eventually, girls, on their bikes were replaced by adults in cars after a couple of entrepreneurial kids were murdered. The AZ República is failing, gasping for air as subscriptions evaporate.
And recently, the newspaper hit — not the driveway, but our computer inbox with a cut-rate ad that speaks clearly of the serious decline it’s facing. In bold red type is the hawking announcement of a “72 HOUR SALE! SUBSCRIBE TODAY FOR $1.62 PER WEEK! Get all the content you love, plus a free comic strip umbrella!”
Betch’a the umbrella was made in China.